About a year ago, breastfeeding finally got “easy”, after three months of hell. Pumping to build supply, assisted lactation for nipple stimulation, cracks and bleeding and screaming pain. I dont remember it suddenly being easier, but it obviously happened.
Just under a month ago was LJs last breastfeed. Over the previous four months we had cut back from 4+ a day to one a day with two bottles. Because I’m like that, I got into a habit of feeding one side and then the other, always starting on the same side.
One week, LJ started refusing the second side. He would put his mouth on, and then pull away and shake his head. On the Saturday, he bit me on that side.
Suddenly, one Wednesday morning he refused the first side as well. Mouth to nipple, he suddenly started crying. He pulled away and started saying “doh” (“no” - he has a blocked nose at the moment, his new word is unbearably cute for the time being!) and shaking his head.
My parents had offered to take LJ to their beach house for the weekend without us, so accidental weaning by loss of supply had been in the back of my mind over the previous couple of days if he went.
So, his refusal was perfect timing. I simply stopped offering. Our morning routine has had a bit of a change to remove the reminder of breastfeeding, and we are still ironing out the creases of the morning routine, but on days I am out at uni, I have time for a shower before LJ goes to daycare. Which is an improvement on my old lunchtime showers previously!
Its both a relief and a sadness. I feel guilty for desiring this above all other things for a long time, and I know I’ll miss it a little. But its a decision made together, with LJ leading the way with fortuitous timing.